Your Self-Pleasure Story: “The Guilt Is Gone. . .”

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// photo courtesy of Edie Sunday \\

“I have been touching myself since I can remember. Some of my earliest memories surround touching myself. I can vividly picture one night when I was trying to decide whether to soothe myself to sleep by sucking my thumb or masturbating. I must have been 4 or 5.

Of course, when I was that young, I had no idea there was a name for what I was doing. Only when I learned there was a name for it did there begin to be secrecy and shame surrounding the pleasure I had previously been experiencing.

So, into my teenage years, I would go for a period of time denying myself that pleasure, thinking it was dirty and even a sin. The guilt I experienced was immense and was all the more confusing because I thought, “How could something that feels so good be wrong?”

Fast forward to my young married life where I would pleasure myself in secret as I was unable to achieve orgasm, no matter how much my partner and I tried through varied means and methods. I later learned that this was termed secondary anorgasmia.

My partner and I would discuss it, sometimes labeling it a problem, sometimes just letting it go. But the challenge always was that I left our sexual encounters feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. The emotional connection felt amazing, the physical contact was stimulating, but I was not getting my sexual needs met.

That is, until I realized that I could combine the pleasure of solo-sex with my partner. My motivation to initiate sex went way up and his pleasure in watching me touch myself has enhanced our relationship. We both express more connection and satisfaction when we are able to share that together.

I no longer pressure myself to orgasm any other way, and neither does he.

The guilt is now gone through the affirmation I receive from my partner and the knowledge that sexual pleasure should be celebrated.”

Written by Ginger

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