Sex Love Liberation is Reborn!—A Celebration of Space, Ease, & Transition

“Perfection is static, & I am in full motion.” —Anaïs Nin

Welcome to my new digital home. I hope it feels like a breath of warm, shimmery air for you.

I have gone through some deep, personal transformations in the last several months—both inwardly & outwardly. Much of how I do my work these days consists of more ease, more lightness, more playfulness, more flow. . . & I wanted a new home for SLL that beautifully reflected that.

I think it translates well, no?

What’s new here . . .

  • Simple, open, white space. More than anything with this new design, I wanted it to feel spacious, uncaged, & easy-breezy. Less truly is more. Can you feel it?
  • Attention to detail & pretty embellishments. Despite the minimalism & white space, I still wanted to bring some elements into this digital sanctuary that grounded the space & made it feel like home. In the video below, I share with you what those elements are & where they came from. (Hint: a very secret place.)
  • Comments have been disabled. But not to worry! This just means we’ll take the conversation elsewhere. Twitter & Facebook is where I’ll be hanging, & I hope to hear your beautiful voice chiming in there.
  • Sex in Public (my story-sharing series) has been paused. . . for the simple reason that my focus is now steady on my own work. Previously shared stories can still be found in the archives.
  • It’s responsive! (And if you don’t know what that means, try viewing the site on your phone or mobile device. /winks)
  • New projects & endeavors. Private, one-on-one work; a photo-a-day challenge on Instagram; live workshops & events; an updated, extended version of my manifesto. . . it’s all happening (& happening soon).

With my whole & incredibly full heart, I thank you for enduring yet another change with me.

And to my man Jonathan, who took my very, very helter-skelter vision & ran with it in ways I could only dream about, & to Alex Reyes, the savvy fellow who, with his code-fluent mind, managed to translate the look & feel of the design verbatim: big, big love & thanks. You’ve both made my life more than you’ll ever know.

OH! I almost forgot. . .

I made some things for you!

1.) A video greeting from yours truly. In it, I talk about what inspired this new design, what ways I’ve made the site feel more like home, & how I want you to feel when you come into this sacred space. Press play below & turn it up a bit; sound is not as vibrant as I’d like for it to be. (Having trouble watching the video? Click here.)

2.) A mixtape of my favorite jams & croonings. These are songs that have been playing in my ears for the last several months as I’ve been continuing to form in newness, & now, the magic they imbue within me can be shared with you.

Play this mixtape when you’re in need of a sensual boost; when you’re longing to get grounded; when you want to be taken to new heights with your sense of sound. Or. . . whenever you’re feeling like you need some tunes that’ll make you swoon & sway.

a sensual mixtape from ev_yan on 8tracks Radio.

Tracklist:
1. Passion // Nightmares on Wax
2. Gentle Spirit // Jonathan Wilson
3. Undo // Björk
4. You Woke Me Up! // Andrew Bird
5. Feather // Little Dragon
6. The Cosmic Game // Thievery Corporation
7. All for Myself // Sufjan Stevens
8. Go Slowly // Radiohead
9. Likufanele // Zero 7
10. Big Love // Broken Social Scene

Quick notes: Undo I love because the song could easily be about orgasm & the pressure we put on ourselves to go over the edge; it reminds me to let go & surrender. And Likufanele translates as “It suits you” in Zulu (it’s also a word that is tattooed on my forearm).

//

Here’s to new beginnings, ease, spaciousness, & glorious transition. I am looking forward to what this new chapter will bring for the both of us.

With love & liberation,

Ev'Yan-signature

On Desire & How to Harmonize Yourself With Your Hungers

“Desire is the engine of creation. Desire is an evolutionary impulse. Desire leads the way home.” —Danielle LaPorte

We live in a culture where we glorify & congratulate those who follow the rigidity of schedules, diets, regimens, & to do lists; where we’re more prone to denying our needs because in doing so we nobly show self-control & temperance; where our imperviousness towards macarons, reality television, & sleeping in past 6am make us to be a warrior of some kind—one who has the composure & sensitivity of a robot.

I don’t think I have to tell you that we are not robots, yet we regulate, govern, & maintain strictness with our delicate needs as though we were.

Many of us are suffering silently the callings of our hearts to indulge, to feel, to impulsively & deliberately quench the thirsts of our souls. We suffer because we choose to go against our inherent tendency for pleasure, for goodness, for ecstasy, for joy, that which is meant to be our natural state of existence & thriving.

I’ve been working with women one-on-one in the realm of sexual liberation, but we almost always end up on the subject of desire; specifically, what it is they want, what it is they crave, what it is their bodies, minds, & spirits are begging for, & how they can attune themselves to Desire’s whispers (or boisterous bellows) so that they can finally feel harmonious in their bodies & in their sexual expressions.

It always starts with this one simple question: What are your desires?
And then. . . What do you yearn for, crave for?

When I hear these questions, my mind is swarming with its own ideas & visions. . .

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How to Love Your Yoni

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I was reading the newspaper a few weeks ago & saw an ad on the outer corner of a page with the headline “Love Your Lady Parts.” Reading that, I became instantly filled with joy that there was something somewhere in local media that would herald such a positive message to the women of Portland.

But then I continued reading.

“If a large or thickened labia is keeping you from doing the things you love. . . you don’t have to suffer silently. Labiaplasty is a safe solution & is performed right in Portland.”

What a horrendous letdown.

How could slicing off one’s inner labia possibly be the answer to loving one’s lady parts? In my own mind, I cannot imagine how this could be an answer. But I have a personal inclination to love my yoni. Not all have that perspective.

I do not condemn those who choose to get a labiaplasty in order to find peace & acceptance with their vulvas. What I condemn is the idea that getting a labiaplasty is the only option one has to finding peace & acceptance with their vulva.

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Sensual Experiences of an Empath on a Bus Full of Rain-Soaked Humans

“Breathe next to me. And I will capture a piece of your soul along with mine.” —Marikit dR. Camba

I’m on the #15 bus. It is filled to the steaming brim with people trying to get to their homes on the southeast side of Portland. There are so many people on this bus that people are standing & bodies are aloofly rubbing against each other. All of this is made even more stimulating because it is currently downpouring in monsoon-like fashion & everyone is sopping wet.

I find myself growing excited at the sensual nature of this bus ride — bodies dripping with water, windows fogged, faces & limbs so close to one another that they can feel the heat of the blood coursing through their veins.

I managed to find a seat near the start of the route, but barely. To my left, an older gentleman is playing a word game on his iPad, completely engrossed in bettering his score.

To my right, a young man with a bulging backpack stands in the aisle, his glasses speckled with droplets of water. He isn’t wearing a jacket & is soaking wet. His hair slowly drips onto the palms of my hand. In those droplets, I smell remnants of the product he used in his hair today, which reminds me of being at summer camp when I was 13, & how all the boys, so new in their blossoming manhood, would layer on colognes & aftershaves & hair gels, producing a potent, conflicting fragrance with notes of wild teenaged spirit.

In front of me, a professional-looking man sits & keeps getting text messages on his beeping flip phone that make him smile. And each time he grins, I feel the very little space we have around us in the bus expand slightly with happiness. I notice he has a beautiful jade-green ring on his pinky finger & I admire it.

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Four of My Favorite Sexuality Books — & I’m Giving Them Away

In my office there is a bookcase that belongs completely to me, & on its shelves it stores all of my favorite reads relating to sex & sexuality, feminism, erotica, self-discovery, & other sensual pleasures.

Every book resting on those shelves I consider a treasure, both of knowledge & sentiment. I adore my books, & any that I add to my collection I add with the intent to keep them for the rest of my life. I very, very seldom loan books out. I like the idea of having them always, as though just their being there emits wisdom upon me.

And as much as I’d love to hold onto all of my books for sentimental reasons, I can’t help but think that some of them could serve someone in my community much better than if they were to sit on my bookshelves & collect dust (which they continue to do).

So. . . in the spirit of Spring cleaning, I’m giving away four books from my personal collection.

These four books are very special to me because they were the first sex/sexuality books I read when I began to step into my sexuality & eagerly seek oneness with my sensual, feminine self.

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