Your Feelings Are Important

In my writing practice, I often stop myself from expressing what needs to be expressed when it doesn’t come out in my usual style. In my mind, it’s always been that my work needs to masterpieces, otherwise they (you) won’t understand the weight & importance of it.

But I see the falsehood in that. And I want to give myself freedom to compose whatever comes through me, especially when what’s coming through doesn’t have 500 additional words after it (& this happens often). It’s part of my ongoing process of strengthening my animus. It’s part of honoring all aspects of my creative spirit, even its tiny expressions.

So starting now, I’ll be experimenting with allowing myself the spaciousness to write from the heart, particularly when the heart speaks in poem, in short-hand, in tl;dr (that is, “too long; didn’t read”) format. This will look like short ‘n sweet blurbs; less than 300 words of minimalistic & unembellished truth-speaking, sans images, sans rules.

Because I see now that what I want to say sometimes comes in bite sized pieces; that sometimes my truth is small, understated, & mighty.

Here we go. . .

x x x x x

Speaking your truth is important.
Honoring your feelings is important.
Saying no is important.
Asking for what you want is important.

Especially if it means hurting feelings. Especially that.

Your safety, sanity, well-being, nourishment, & happiness is important.

Don’t dumb it down, hold it back, or keep it unconsidered.

What Beyoncé’s Sexuality Has to Do With Your Own

beyonce-sexuality

beyoncé // nuk_

Sex is one of the most powerful catalysts for self-awakening. It can incite in us to brazenly express the full spectrum of our beingness & it is often through sex that we discover our true selves.

And then we have sex in the media.

It’s in our favorite television shows, in hit songs, on billboards—everywhere. And within all of these bold images & in-your-face expressions of eroticism, there can be quite a bit of confusion for those of us coming & sinking into our sexual identities.

We might begin to wonder if what we see on the screen are the kind of representations we’d like to feed our sexually blossoming selves.

Like, is Beyoncé’s sexual expression a healthy embodiment of sexuality to me? What about Miley Cyrus—is she the personification of sexual liberation? Which displays of sexual agency speak the language of erotic freedom?

But mostly. . .

How do we know whether one’s blatant sexual expression is that of powerful self-liberation or that of self-objectification?

My answer: You’ll know it when you see it.

You’ll know when a sexually liberated woman is rearing her courageous, audacious head, & when desperate, attention-seeking erotic expression is coming into play. You’ll feel it in your body somewhere—perhaps in the form of a drop of the stomach or a flutter of the heart. Regardless, something inside of you will say either Yes or No.

But. . . only if you ask & tune in for the answer. It’s in the asking & tuning into our inner voice that we’ll be able to decipher these mixed messages.

Examples of asking:

  • How does witnessing Rihanna twerking feel in my body? What is my gut response?
  • What does my intuition say about these hyper-sexualized American Apparel ads?
  • Is this, in my heart, a healthy, holistic, liberating display of sexuality or is it something else?
  • Who is my erotic muse, & what is it about this person that inspires my own sexual agency?

The key is to know that the answers to these questions are personal & about your unique views on sexual expression—your views. Not your mom’s. Not your boyfriend’s. Not your bestie’s. Yours.

Trust yourself enough to know that you innately have the answer. 

14 Qualities of the Sexually Liberated Woman

sexually-liberated

impossible shadow // aaron edelson

1. She desires. She knows that her ability to desire is powerful, a gift, & she knows that her capacity to desire is limitless. She is in communion with her desires on an hourly basis. She uses what she desires as a compass toward self-discovery, self-sovereignty, & self-care.

2. She is sensual; that is. . . she fully inhabits her body. She is tuned into all of her senses, especially her intuition, & she can pinpoint (not necessarily with words) the emotions that course through her. She feels things on a deep level; she’s maybe a little empathic. She is connected to her natural rhythms (& if you ask her how she does this, she’ll reply simply, “I listen.”). She takes up space—physically, energetically—without apology.

3. She is sexual. Instinctually. Not just in the physical sense. No, she knows that sex isn’t the only way to play with & express sexual energy, & she infuses nearly everything she does with tasteful, mindful, totally embodied sexuality. She knows who she is as a sexual being; she knows what things turn her on, light her fire, make her swoon. She has a close kinship with her genitals; she knows that that’s where her erotic power is the most potent. She never denies herself of what she sexually desires.

4. She is self-loving. She luxuriates in her reflection, she takes selfies, she celebrates her beingness. She goes easy on herself, is kind to herself. She knows her worth & doesn’t settle. She accepts herself as she is; she never apologizes for it. She is a fierce lover of her body—every curve, freckle, dimple, & scar. She wears things that make her feel beautiful.

5. She knows who she is, she knows what she wants. Both inside & out of the bedroom. She has a keen sense of knowing about her (thanks to being connected to her natural rhythms & her intuition). She honors her quirks & nuances. She is centered in her greatness.

6. She is spiritual. She sees sex as spiritual, & it is. When her body writhes in pleasure, she experiences the Divine. When her orgasm expands out from her, she becomes enlightened. And if you were to ask, she might say that sex is her religion. But not just sex. The sea is her religion. The wind is her religion, too. She has a special connection to the moon. She lights candles in ritual, she reads poetry from mystics, she practices divination, she creates little altars, she looks to the stars for insight—it’s all spiritual for her, for she is connected to all, & all is connected to her.

7. She has an active, healthy, expansive erotic life. She makes love to her lover(s), she makes love to herself. She doesn’t allow her singlehood to take away the freedom & exquisiteness that comes with sexual expression. She masturbates. She finds pleasure in the thrill of seduction, of teasing, of revealing her body. She asks for what she wants. She knows what turns her on & is aware of her capacity to lust. She has created her own fluid definition of sexy. She uses orgasm as a form of medicine.

8. She is a feminist. She is sex positive. She creates a safe space for other sexual humans to blossom, play, & explore. She sees all beings as sexual & she celebrates that with them. And when others have disparaging words about her sexuality or her womanhood, she stands up for herself; she stands up for others. She calls people out when they say racist, sexist, misogynist, slut-shaming things. She uses her voice; she knows that it is powerful.

9. She uses juicy words to describe herself: voluptuous; effervescent; bootylicious; vivacious; zesty; sultry; sensuous; promiscuous. She’s reclaimed seemingly vulgar language so that she is free to express herself with words of her choosing, with words that resonate.

10. She is responsible—with her heart, with her body, & her mind. She shares the gift of her sacred sexuality only with those she deems worthy. She practices safe sex & routinely gets her women’s exams; she sees these things almost like they are expressions of self-love. When her body says No, she respects that no, & she’s not afraid to hurt feelings in order to honor that No.

11. She is a survivor. She knows that the healing done in that realm is paramount to her blossoming as a sexual being. She takes full responsibility for her healing & celebrates every single step she takes in that process. She goes easy on herself as she continues to courageously walk down that path.

12. She seeks out alone time. Actually, she sometimes prefers it, because she knows that in solitude, magic happens: she comes to know herself even more. She goes to lunch by herself with a book or her journal. She steals a few moments away in her day-to-day to reconnect with her spirit—to dance, to meditate, to play, to go inward. She doesn’t allow anything to get in the way of Me Time. She practically demands it.

13. She is open. She is true. She is genuine. She is boundaried. She is in flow. She is wild. She is a woman unto herself.

14. She lets her sensual/sexual, radiant light shine, for she knows that when others are illuminated & warmed by it, they will feel inspired to shine their own light too.

/ / / / /

Want to hear me read this post aloud to you? Press play below.

(Player not showing? Click here.)

Just For You: Digital Reminders for Your Sexual, Loving, Liberated Self

For the last few months, me & my sweet friend Amber Morgan have been working together on a little project: a set of pretty, sacred, ethereal digital wallpapers for our (& your) beloved electronic devices.

She approached me first with a desire to collab, & I was bowled over because her work is absolutely gorgeous. So we began experimenting, doodling, playing, & creating. Shortly after, beautiful images were born. And we want you to have them.

From us with love: pretty wallpapers for your desktop & phone—free!

The biggest themes around these wallpapers—apart from gorgeousness—are sacred geometry coupled with the transformative power of mantra.

Download one that speaks to you most, or download them all. And if you love ‘em, share ‘em!

We hope you enjoy. x


1. I am at peace with my sexuality.

sex-pic

  // click to download this set (includes backgrounds for iPhone & Android)

featuring:

  • Vesica Piscis (two overlapping circles): symbolizing the vulva.
  • Triangle (point up): Shiva or Divine Masculine energy; the holy trinity—birth, life, death.
  • Peachy-orange hue: symbolizing being uninhibited, rejuvenation, confidence, & intuition.

 

2. My love is a verb.

love-pic

 // click to download this set (includes backgrounds for iPhone & Android)

featuring:

  • Triangle (point up): Shiva, the element of fire, & the holy trinity—body, mind, & spirit.
  • Heart: love, sensuality (listening with the senses), the feminine.
  • Pinky-rose hue: compassion, nurturing, openness, & unconditional love.

 

3. Liberation is my medicine.

liberation-pic

 // click to download this set (includes backgrounds for iPhone & Android)

 featuring:

  • White feather: new beginnings; flight, freedom, going beyond boundaries; letting go.
  • Circle: wholeness, unity, protected, sacred space; the Divine Feminine.
  • Cyan-blue hue: speaking your truth, self-expression, & freedom.

 

Love stuff like this? You have exquisite taste. Get even more loveliness by signing up to the Self-Love Letters.






 

Tuning Into & Honoring My Inner Voice

inner-voice

118 // chad wys

It is Monday, & I am tired.

I was kept up for most of the previous night by howling winds & pelting rains, tossing & turning & getting startled awake by gusts that shook the room & bent the trees outside. I am in a fog. I can hardly concentrate at the task at hand—what am I doing again? Oh yes, responding to emails, trying to finish that one last sentence that seems to be trapped inside of my head.

I take a swig of my day-old, now-cold coffee hoping that it’ll rattle the words out of my mind. I get nothing. I need to focus more. It’s in there, I just need to focus.

Then I hear an unexpected voice. . .

Go on & rest. You’re tired. You should take it easy today. Go on & lay down.

These words come not from my mind so much as they come from my body, my breath, my blinking, heavy eyelids. They reverberate throughout my being, echoing, resounding.

Again. . .

You should lie down. You’re tired. You need to rest.

Annoyed, I protest. Are you kidding me? But I cannot rest! It is Monday, the most adult, the most powerful & important day of the week! I have things to do! Emails to be composed, writing to be done, a kitchen to be cleaned, a shower to be had, more coffee to be warmed. . . I cannot rest! That would be absolutely irresponsible of me.

I go back to the email I am painstakingly trying to finish, watching the cursor blink, listening to rain fall, conscious of the way the light of the sun continues to peek out from behind dark clouds, then disappears once more, taking the room from glowing to blue-tinted dimness. The wind howls louder.

Once more, that voice.

Rest. You need to rest.

These words are vibrating inside of me now, making my head feel heavy, enticing me to rest my body on something soft & plush. I could ignore them again; I could go back to that damned blinking cursor & finish the words that are trying to become; I could wave my body’s urges away with continued irritation.

Instead. . . I choose to listen.

I close my laptop.

//

Self-love is not a passive thing. It is a conscious, continuous effort; it is acknowledgment, listening, honoring.

We must choose to tune in. We must choose to honor. We must choose to take away the megaphone our critical mind is holding & give it to our inner voice, our intuition.

It starts there.

Even in stillness, even in going back to bed, even in doing nothing there is proactive, responsible, caring & kind self-love.

Yes, even there.