When I first met my husband, I stood in awe of the shameless expression of his sexuality. It surpassed his innate ability to confidently act on his desires; he was deeply connected to his sexual spirit.
Namely, his penis.
I remember thinking back then that men have it (the journey of sexuality) quite easy. From very young ages, they’ve been taught to touch their genitals & make friends with them, prompting a loving kind of camaraderie to the very thing that houses their sensual energy.
Women have it much harder.
Not only are our domes of carnal energy discreetly hidden, we’ve been conditioned to keep our hands to ourselves. Yes, there’s beauty & a bit of wonder in our self-cleaning ovens, but they’re not meant to be touched.
I’ve always thought the differences in the way women & men actualize their sexualities boiled down to gender. If you’re male, you’re lucky to have a personal relationship with your genitals. If you’re a female, you’re predestined to treat “down there” like a classified piece of land.
But it’s not simply luck that blesses men with the ability to have a fond relationship with their penises. It’s habit.
On average, a male goes to the bathroom 5-8 times a day.
And he’s likely seeing & touching his genitals each time.
Men see (& touch) the source of their sexual energy several times a day. They’re familiar with their penises. They’re maestros of their anatomy.
Of course it helps that their bits are displayed unabashedly outside of their bodies, but the fact that women’s are not shouldn’t stop us from getting on friendly terms with our lady bits.
What would it be like if we — women — sought out to forge a heartfelt relationship with our genitals? What if we saw the whole of our vulvas (with adequate lighting) several times a day?
What if every time we went to the bathroom, we opened a compact mirror between our legs & took a peek at our sex?
I imagine we would become more rooted in our sexuality; more connected to our source; more acutely aware of the vitality within us.
When we find ourselves boldly & enthusiastically familiar of the wellspring of our eroticism — that being our genitalia — we’ll be less likely to stifle it & more open to fanning the flames of our desires.
If you want to become more sexual…
Steal glances at your vulva, your inner labia, your delicate clitoris. Know your anatomy.
Become [re]acquainted with your sex’s succulent feminine energy; so much that when you close your eyes to picture it you know it much like you know the back of your hand.
The moment we begin to form a close knit bond with our precious lady parts, the expression of our sexuality will start to blossom.
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You’re so right on… I started making adult videos several years ago, out of curiosity and a need for money. My boyfriend filmed and I had to write video descriptions, which meant I had to watch them all. Wow, was that a lesson! I hadn’t seen my vulva in years, and even those looks were a quick glance. I thought it was weird and deformed, since I’d never see another. (Playboy’s cross-legged models didn’t help – the only real exposure I had to other nude women growing up.)
Being essentially forced to see my sexuality on camera and really looking at the WHOLE genital region made me see my own beauty. In time I understood why my partners always liked my body, something I’d previously chalked up to their own insanity, lol.
Fast forward, and now I’ve seen tons of porn and played with dozens of girls in my personal and ‘professional’ life – i.e., I’ve seen lots of vulvas. And I’ve yet to see an ugly one. They’re all beautiful in their own way. The more we recognize our physical beauty, the more in touch we’ll be with all the pleasures capable in ALL our bodies.
Just a friendly reminder that not all men have penises and not all women have vulvas :)
Thanks for pointing this out, Brian. After I hit ‘publish’ I considered this. I’m still learning how & what it means to be a voice for human sexuality.
I hope I don’t come across as ignorant, but I don’t understand this comment.
Hi Daria,
Brian’s speaking about transgendered folk. So, a man who is biologically female, & a female who is a biologically male.
I am not really sure about this statement, “On average, a male goes to the bathroom 5-8 times a day” – that’s a lot of peeing. I think he better go to the doctor to find out what is wrong, but you really pissed up the wall with the next one… “And he’s likely seeing & touching his genitals each time”. I don’t really know how a guy is supposed to pee straight if he doesn’t touch or aim the thing…
Dave,
It should be noted that when I say “goes to the bathroom” in this post, this includes the times a male is not peeing. Hence, the reason I say afterward “he is likely seeing & touching his genitals each time.”
I too am not a fan of these statistics, but I think what’s more important is the point that’s being made, don’t you agree?
:]
I have a love-hate relationship with my genitalia. Let me explain. I am a pre-op transgender woman. Let me explain further. I was born male, I identify as female and I live my life as a woman. True to Brian’s response, “…not all women have vulvas…”
First, it’s too painful, (and feels inappropriate), for me to say “my penis” and so I’ll give “it” a name – I shall call my penis “Mac”, (I just made this up, I’m using an iMac to type this, that’s why I chose “Mac” – no special meaning.)
Mac is my frenemy. I don’t show him much love at all. I wish I didn’t have to see him down there looking out-of-place and miserable all the time. I just wish I was a woman through and through. If it was possible, I’d avoid looking at Mac or even touching him altogether. I dream of one day getting a “sex-change”, because only then I could open “a compact mirror between [my] legs & [take] a peek at [my] sex”.
The few times I’m friends with Mac is when having sex. Nothing compares to the “tsunami” that starts at the tip of my thing and engulfs all of my body with endless waves of pure, unadulterated pleasure – I got to give him that. But after tides subside, Mac just sticks out like a sore thumb and eventually feelings of frustration set in again.
That’s the story of my love-hate relationship with Mac.
The take-away from your post is that I’d like to love all of my body, (including Mac), more. Besides, I won’t have the money for a sex-change anytime soon, (read: “in this lifetime”), so I may as well love the frenemy that I’m stuck with.
This is a really great post. *thumbs up*
This post feels like it was taken from a 1950s article. I’m not sure where you grew up, but where I come from, we women have always been in touch with our sexuality and I have NEVER been told not to touch myself, or that sex was bad, or that I should be ashamed of anything. We’ve always been encouraged to own our bodies and sexuality and to embrace it.
I’ve been fortunate to have a very sexual nature and I’ve always been comfortable with my sex. And at 30 years old, I’ve only had a few partners. I’ve only been in long term relationships and in each one, my sex life has been amazing. I love to experience new things, be completely open and uninhibited. I think sex is something you can’t afford to be timid with, especially when you love the person you’re with. But sex is like art to me, there’s no point in talking about it, analyzing it, reading too much into it…you just do it! And enjoy doing it! Stop staring at your vagina and play with it, learn what makes you tick and feel good, show your partner and let him/her do it to you. Sex shouldn’t be some medical exam, it should be fun and playful and exciting and erotic.
Have you ever seen The Beautiful Cervix Project? There’s a girl whose boyfriend photographed her cervix everyday for a month.
Now,I’m familiar with the outsides of my body, including my lady bits (even though I”m not particularly happy with how I am right now).
The inside though? Thinking about how our bodies work & the fragility of them makes me all squirmy & weirded out. That site took every ounce of self control to look at each day’s picture, knowing THAT’S what *I* look like too.
I think in some respects I am as unashamed of my sexual desires as your husband. I wish my husband was more like yours in that respect. Given my physical self-hate and body image issues I still give over to my passions with my husbands as often as he will let me.