Choose a Lipstick Hue that Matches the Color of Your Labia, & Other Sensual Suggestions

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This is the best sexual advice you’ve never been given.

Use coconut oil as a lubricant.

(Yes, the oil that you cook with.) Why coconut oil? Because its pH balance is suited perfectly to your skin (& genitals); because it’s 100% natural; & because it has antifungal, antiviral, antibacterial, & antimicrobial properties (all of which help prevent yeast & other vaginal infections).

Stay away from conventional drugstore lubricants. They contain nasty silicones, plastics, & chemicals that are murderous on your natural pH level, not to mention toxic to your health. And because anything that touches the vagina goes directly into the bloodstream, you’re literally putting petroleum & parabens inside of your body (ew). Instead, go natural.

You can find coconut oil at your local grocery in the baking aisle. It’ll be in white & solid in the jar, but as soon as it makes contact with your skin, it’ll melt clear. Perfect not only for your delicate anatomical jewel, but other luscious square inches of skin. Give it a go, but only if you have no allergy to coconuts.

(NOTE: Coconut oil is not compatible with latex condoms.)

Grow your pubic hair long.

The pubic hair trends for the last several decades have been swayed back & forth between bush & bare, with the pendulum currently swinging on the bare side. Naturally, it’s none of my business what you choose to do with your public hair. But I’d like to propose a challenge to you: Grow your pubic hair long.

Why, you ask? It gives the aroma of your succulence/copulence something to cling to.

Your perfume, your smell, is so powerful; probably more than you can fathom. With it, you can seduce potential suiters, relay to your partner that you’re ovulating, & . The notes of your scent changes just as your body changes, from turned on to perfectly pacified, from delicately sweet to strong & earthy.

Your smell, in all its glory, is better when it’s had a few days to cultivate. So should you decide to take this challenge, don’t shower for two days after you’ve got your bush nice & full.

You’ll have to overcome the unfortunate falsehood that your smell is dirty or unbecoming, but consider it a carnal experiment, meant to be fun & educational.

Learn thy body, learn thyself.

Choose a lipstick hue that matches the color of your labia.

Admittedly, I saw this in a film. But scientists have surmised that there is a correlation between the color of lipstick a woman wears & her sexual desirability, much like when a baboon’s fanny turns a flushed red to signal that she’s in heat to horny baboons.

While it might seem unbelievable, it’s no stretch to say that the two could be linked. After all, a woman’s lips — both up north & down south — swell & flush during sexual arousal.

For this exercise, you’ll need a mirror, a well-lit room, & to assume a comfortable seating position with your bottoms off & your legs butterflied open. Whatever color your inner labia is, find the closest possible lipstick match at your local drugstore & wear it with honor.

Even if it’s eggplant purple or a crimson red, & regardless of whether or not it would look good against your skin tone, glasses shape, or outfit. . . buy it, try it, wear it.

This is yet another carnal experiment that’s meant to be fun. If you never wear the labia-lipstick-color again, designate the tube for when you want to write a love note to yourself (or your partner) on the bathroom mirror.

Channel your sexual energy into other activities.

Try this: Turn yourself on in the morning. . . but don’t climax. Get yourself there, but don’t go over the edge.

Prolong your orgasm & vow to spend the rest of the day channeling that pent up sexual energy into other activities. Work, perhaps, or housekeeping or that book you’ve been wanting to write.

Sexual energy is creative energy. Use it to fuel your great opus. And when you’ve put all of your sexual potency into your creation, see how you feel. Can you go on to your next great masterpiece? Or are you so crazy with lust for yourself that you can only focus on one thing & that is devouring yourself?

Check in with yourself; see how you feel. Proceed with care.

Sleep without underwear on.

There’s a good chance that your vulva/penis is being muzzled by layers upon layers of fabric for hours on end (i.e., pants, stockings, g-strings, & jockstraps).

Your genitalia, unbeknownst to you, is dying to breathe & splay out into the open air. What better time to do this than while you are sleeping?

So tonight, ditch your underwear & sleep commando. And because summer’s here, that means less thick blankets, & more flimsy, lightweight sheets which will feel like heaven against your delicate skin.

Take a peek at your cervix.*

*Not for the squeamish or those generally disinterested in the way their body functions.

1.) Buy a speculum at your local women’s clinic.
2.) Read the instructions that the speculum comes with (or read this).
3.) Lube yourself up with some coconut oil (see above).
4.) Lie down, get comfortable, & insert the speculum.
5.) Take a mirror & point it between your legs.
6.) Sit in awe at what you — you! — look like on the inside.

Why? Because your cervix is one of the most vital parts of your anatomy. There’s a good chance you’ve never seen it & the only one that gets the honor & privilege to is your physician once a year.

Be an advocate for your own health & body. By knowing what colors your cervix is (it changes depending on where you’re at in your cycle), by seeing the changes in your discharge during ovulation, you become both empowered & educated, taking all of the power out of your doctor’s hands.

Know thy body, know thyself.

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Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a body professional, so please take ALL of my advice — in this post & ones to come — with a meager grain of salt. But especially, use your intuition & follow your heart. You know your body better than anyone else on earth