Photo: Patricia Ellah
I can’t talk about who I am as a sexual woman without talking about my sexual trauma. The sexual violation I experienced as a teenager deeply informed the way I see and experience sex, so much that it’s impossible for me to separate the two.
There was a time when I used to have panic attacks every time I had sex. In those moments, I didn’t know what to do nor did I have the language to put words to what I was experiencing, which left both me and my husband in the dark. All I felt was a clusterfuck of panic, shame, and confusion.
Talking about sexual trauma isn’t fun or easy but if we want to be sexually liberated, we have to first heal whatever blockages are keeping us from being free. And for a lot of us, sexual trauma is at the root of it.
I’ve been wanting to have a conversation about sexual trauma, one that is gentle and healing, one that would help me to understand what’s going on with me when I get triggered (and it still happens, even with the amount of healing I’ve done).
So, I called my friend Rachael Maddox.
In this episode of the Sexually Liberated Woman podcast, I chat with Rachael about. . .
/ The difference between sexual violation and sexual trauma, or what Rachael calls “an embodied interpersonal violation hangover.”
/ The physiological way trauma manifests and shows up in our bodies, and how to release it.
/ Rachael’s very vulnerable story of survival: “I had never had any sexual connection with anyone who had remotely loved me.”
/ And her one tip to “cure” yourself when you’ve gotten triggered during sex (something you can do by yourself or with your partner).
“Once you make the vow to never override your body, you come into alchemical alignment and your whole life starts aligning in really powerful, pleasurable ways.”
I learned so much from this conversation and my hope is that you’ll also find a sense of healing after listening.
*Content warning: In this episode, we’re going to be touching on topics of rape and sexual violation. We won’t be going in graphic detail about it, but if you feel like hearing about a survivor’s story might be too triggering for you right now, definitely take care of yourself and save this episode for another time.
Some things mentioned in this episode:
About Rachael: Rachael Maddox is a trauma resolution educator, coach, and guide who devotes her days to helping women unshame and reclaim their pleasure, power, and purpose. She recently published her first book, Secret Bad Girl, and will be on a book tour this fall hosting Secret Bad Girl Book Parties and Workshops for women who want extra in-person inspiration, support, and sisterhood. Click here to get all the info.
BONUS! Rachael’s resources to help you with trauma resolution:
1. A short video about your brain on trauma.
2. This seminal book about the physiology of trauma.
3. This short and sweet illustrated book about just how strange trauma can be.
4. This 23-minute yoga video for trauma.
5. And this guide to help you understand how trauma works and releases.