Category Archives: Sex in Public

Sex in Public: “I can’t have an orgasm with my husband.”

{via, with my modifications}

Six months ago, I cheated on my husband of nearly ten years. I cheated on him with a woman. It happened once.

This affair was my first experience sleeping with a woman. It was explosively passionate, like catching fire, like waking up screaming. I felt known, understood, and safe with her.

Friends asked me, Was sex better with her? The thing was, aside from the illicit thrill and the chemistry she and I had shared, I hadn’t had an orgasm. It had been a lot of fun, but in the end I’d had to say to her, “Don’t worry. It’s not something I can really do with other people.”

Once I’d said it to her, I became aware it was the truth. I’d never had an orgasm with my husband, either. Nor with any previous partners or one night stands. This felt like a shocking secret, sometimes more shocking than the affair itself.

I can orgasm just fine on my own. What prevents me from doing it with someone else?

During the months of therapy and conversations and figuring out our post-affair marriage (and my post-affair self), my husband and I had a lot of sex. A lot of really fun, creative, passionate sex. We’re still doing it. And I still haven’t been able to orgasm.

I don’t know what that means, or how to fix it, or whether “fixing” it is the wrong approach. Sometimes, when I realize we’ve worked so hard to get there yet again and I know it’s just not going to happen, I experience what I’ve come to think of as the “reverse orgasm,” where sex ends with a panic attack and a painful mental storm of self-recrimination, disappointment and despair.

Even though he comforts me and says all the right things, this is a moment of relative solitude. It’s just me and my orgasm, not happening. Once again. And if I cease to work on it, am I settling for less, yet again?

I know I don’t want to leave my marriage, and I know there are no simple solutions. Vulnerability and trust and belief in my self worth can’t happen overnight.

I’m not sure what the solution will be. But learning to talk about it, having the courage to write about it here and be honest about this vulnerability, is a big part of it.

– Jolie, London

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Sex in Public is an ongoing storytelling series devoted to uniting people through vulnerable & intimate admissions of sexuality, self-love, & body image. 

The purpose of this project is community. So with every story, listen, feel, empathize, encourage. The best way to do this is by leaving a comment.

Want to share your story? Click here.

Written on May 18, 2012 in Sex in Public | 17 Comments

Sex in Public: “I’m cynical about love.”

{via, with my modifications}

Since childhood the word “love” has borne a satirical, false impression in my mind. I’ve never really been heartbroken—I’ve never really been in love—and yet that word, love, doesn’t impress me much. Is that the despair or lucid thinking?

I think love is wonderful in the grand scheme of things: love for mankind, love for your family, love for your neighbor, love even for those who hate you. I applaud grand love. I revel in grand love. Grand love is my religion.

But the idea of looking at someone in the eye and saying the words “I love you” and meaning it makes me laugh embarrassedly, like I’m telling a rather silly joke.

The idea of being in love seems like a fantastical unreality. I chalk it right up there with my dreams of magic, flying, and genies in lamps. It’s a pretty little falsehood.

It’s not as if I don’t believe in love at all—as easy as it would be to pretend that, that would be a foolish and naïve assumption. Love is all around. Most people born in the world are direct creations of love. But it’s a rare blessing if you think about it. What is love but a curious chemical mix of attraction and fascination and admiration?

Frankly, I’d like nothing more than to go off my own way and find a lover that will make me recant every dour statement I’ve made against love in my life time. But I’ve grown tired having to face the inevitable disappointment and scorn looking at me.

And so now I don’t feel delight when I speak to a guy; I feel a dullness when kisses suck me into a void of boredom and the barest of toleration. There are too many interesting things in the world to settle for mediocrity—all the days of my life are meant to be wonderful. And love is like a time bomb holding me back.

Think what you like of me—frigid, cold, in desperate need of a therapist. Whatever rationalizes my way of thinking for you. I’m just being honest as I can be on a subject that is very hard to be honest about.

– Kim, New Jersey

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Sex in Public is an ongoing storytelling series devoted to uniting people through vulnerable & intimate admissions of sexuality, self-love, & body image. 

The purpose of this project is community. So with every story, listen, feel, empathize, encourage. The best way to do this is by leaving a comment.

Want to share your story? Click here.

Written on April 26, 2012 in Sex in Public | 22 Comments

Sex in Public: “I’m an orgasmic virgin.”

{via, with my modifications}

I am a 23-year-old virgin and I plan to stay that way until I get married. A lot of people make fun of virgins or find them repulsive. The media especially frowns down upon them.

People ask me, What if you never find the one, what if you get divorced? Their fears illuminate what motivates them to actually have sex. They are amazed that I haven’t had intercourse because I am so good looking and “sexy.”

To me, sex is a sacred interaction of the soul; it reaches beyond the physical and enters the realm of the spiritual. It connects two souls and creates even more love between the two.

I don’t want someone to invade my temple if they are going to leave me. This is my explanation.

My parents divorced and left me to wonder what love and sex really meant. I didn’t want to lose something I couldn’t get back.

However, I have had numerous orgasms.

In a way, it really depends on what you call “sex.” Is sex simply penetration? Or is it others, such as oral sex, finger sex, etc? If so, I’ve had partners. I was lucky to have a boyfriend who loved going down on me.

The first time my sexuality was truly awakened was when I sat on his face and his tongue started doing its thing. I discovered something so precious. I cried.

Today, I’m unattached and not in a relationship. I’ve been single for almost one year, but have had several sexual encounters.

I’ve discovered ways to ignite my clitoris. I have more orgasms than some people who actually have intercourse. They are volcanic, electrifying, satisfying, and awakening orgasms that bring me to paradise.

I don’t feel like I’m missing out at all.

– RL, Los Angeles

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Sex in Public is an ongoing storytelling series devoted to uniting people through vulnerable & intimate admissions of sex & sexuality. 

The purpose of this project is community. So with every story, listen, feel, empathize, encourage. The best way to do this is by leaving a comment.

Want to share your story? Click here.

Written on March 15, 2012 in Sex in Public | 11 Comments

Sex in Public: “I videotaped myself having sex.”

{via, with my modifications}

Last night I sat entwined with my lover, watching a 28 minute recording of us having sex. It was amazing. I felt like the gods let me peek through the curtain at things only they get to see.

Recently, the topic turned to the question of whether we would or could find porn to watch together.

I’m not anti-porn, but I find it contrived, awkward, like watching a bad sitcom where you can see what’s going to happen to the protagonist and you just wish you could step in and make it stop. I say that, yet admit that watching two minutes of hot penetration of any sort of body can get me off with a quick slide of my fingers.

What I really want to know, is what real people in their 30s who care about each other look like when they’re having sex. And in a slow, horrifying moment I proposed that the best way to find out, to see something genuine, to figure out what makes me uncomfortable or what turns me on, was to watch us.

We agreed it was vaguely terrifying, in the sort of way that tells us we’re on to something.

One thing led to another and last night I said, “Go ahead, press the record button.”

For half an hour we proceeded to forget that the camera was on. We caressed and kissed and fondled and licked and stroked and sucked and fucked whatever we wanted. He moaned. I screamed. I got a glass of water. We agreed to be kind to each other and to ourselves.

And then we watched.

We witnessed two people in love who adore each other. We watched the writhing of two bodies that were clearly made for pleasure. I noticed that I smile a lot and confirmed that I scream loudly. I saw what he sees when I suck his cock. I watched his finger slide into my cunt, his head nestle between my legs.

It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

– RW, New York

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Sex in Public is an ongoing storytelling series devoted to uniting people through vulnerable & intimate admissions of sex & sexuality. 

The purpose of this project is community. So with every story, listen, feel, empathize, encourage. The best way to do this is by leaving a comment.

Want to share your story? Click here.

Written on February 23, 2012 in Sex in Public | 6 Comments

Sex in Public: “I did a nude photoshoot.”

{via, with my modifications}

I love to honor my body.

Its beautiful, creamy chocolate complexion, slightly round belly, storytelling scars, and story-holding vagina remind me of my greatness.

In the nude, I feel authentic and sexy. I love my naked body.

I always knew that I wanted to do a nude photo shoot. The liberation that comes with baring it all in front of a camera, recording sensual moments of bliss, gave me a rush of pure adrenaline in mere thought.

If exposing my body could empower others to see the beauty in their natural temples, I certainly would not keep the secrets of my physical design to myself.

In the late summer of 2011, I decided to shoot with a photographer for the premiere issue of my magazine, Corset. We’re the “go-to magazine for all things sexuality,” shepherding in a new movement of people looking to learn and attain sex consciousness.

After hours of posing, talking, sharing, and capturing unadulterated flashes of my authentic self, I found myself even more liberated than when I first arrived. Knowing that an international audience would see my nude body only reaffirmed my confidence and freed me to be comfortable in my nakedness at all times.

Now, you’ll find me in my home, on the beach, or wherever I feel comfortable (and it’s legal) enjoying my nude self.

With the help of numerous writers and contributors, I hope that my first nude photo shoot empowers others to rethink our relationships with nudity.

Shame and fear-infested ideologies aside, we are beautiful just the way we are.

– Arielle, Brazil

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Arielle Loren is the Editor-in-Chief of Corset, the go-to magazine for all things sexuality.

Embracing human curiosity, restoring sensuality, & celebrating sex, CORSET delivers enlightening, empowering, educational, & entertaining content to readers ready to step beyond their comfort zones & uplift a necessary discourse.

Visit corsetmagazine.com to download your copy now.

 

Written on February 2, 2012 in Sex in Public | 7 Comments