Beyoncé, to me, embodies sexual liberation. But hers isn’t the only actualization. . . // via We Heart It
I’ve been writing about my sexual awakening & experiences here for almost four years, & it’s taken me in as much time to understand that sexual liberation isn’t just about having great sex with multiple orgasms, nor is it about finding the perfect sex toy or having a sexual relationship with someone who deeply values & respects your sexuality (although, all of these things can come from sexual liberation).
No, sexual liberation is about your right, as a sexual, sensual being, to choose how you’d like your sexuality to be brought into the physical world. It’s about empowering yourself to demolish any “should” that comes attached to erotic expression that doesn’t suit you, & making for yourself an actualization of your erotic self that leaves you feeling unhindered.
Sexual liberation is about sexual agency, self-respect, & intimately knowing yourself & what it is you want.
There’s a misconception about sexual liberation being or looking like the manifestation of a Beyoncé song (for instance), where the sex seems constant, the orgasms plentiful, & the fantasies limitless. But one very liberating realization I’ve made recently is that how liberated I am sexually should not be measured by how many times or people I have sex in a month, or how many orgasms I give myself when I masturbate (if I masturbate).
I’ve been doing myself (& my sexual expression) a huge disservice by thinking that I need to be relentlessly amorous in order for my sexual liberation to stay current & intact. Many of my clients have as well. Whenever we get on this topic of sexual expression & the shoulds that often come with them, the first question I like to ask my client is this:
In an ideal world, with (or without) your ideal partner, how would you express your sexuality?
Sometimes multiple orgasms & daily sack sessions make it into that brainstorm, but usually what they’re hankering for is an ability to choose. An ability to choose to fuck their man’s brains out if they want to or to choose chocolate cake over sex if they want to. An ability to choose to own their love of masturbation or to choose celibacy as a form of self-care. An ability to choose to be a sex-lovin’, orgasm-craving woman and to also feel OK when they’re not horny all the time.
What they’re seeking is permission to be the truth of who they are (or who they want to be) as sexual beings.
That’s what it really means to be sexually liberated—to be the truth of who you are as a sexual being. Not someone else’s truth, but yours—unwaveringly, unapologetically.
And this is great news, because that truth can look however you want it to, however you need it to; a plethora of different ways—just as long as it’s on your terms; just as long as it feels good in your body, & that it doesn’t force you to become someone you’re not; just as long as it honors your natural rhythms & keeps you emotionally protected.
And the most beautiful part? When you allow yourself to be the truth of who you are sexually, you can then blossom & open erotically in ways you might not have if you were to hold onto preconceived notions about what your sexuality is supposed to look like. I’ve seen it happen—with my clients & with my own self. It’s that beautiful paradox of letting go in order to fully embrace. A win-win-win.
If you’re just beginning your sexual liberation journey & are wondering what that truth of your sexual expression looks like, dive deeper with these introspective questions:
How do I want to express my innate, unique sexuality?
What “shoulds” do I want to erase from my erotic expression?
Who do I want to be as a sexual being?
What boundaries would I like to create to keep myself emotionally & physically safe sexually?
Which components would I like to be included in my sexual expression: Kink? Tantra? Non-monogamy? Celibacy? None of the above?
What does sexual liberation look like / feel like to me?
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If you want to go even deeper in your sexual liberation journey . . .
I’m so ready for you. I’m seeking to add three new brave women to my sexual liberation coaching practice. For the next three months, you & me will work intimately together to help get you out of sexual shame & step into your erotic power, + more.
We’ll talk about your inhibitions & how to embrace your wildish nature. We’ll talk about your capacity to desire & how to honor your natural rhythms. I’ll hold loving space, you’ll show up fully, ready to transform. (Investment: $400/month)
Everything you need to know about my sexual liberation coaching program can be found here. But if something inside of you is saying Yes, please!, even if it’s barely a whisper, I invite you to submit an application to save your spot.
So many women make their erotic life the last thing that gets their loving attention. And what I’ve seen is that when we finally put our sexuality into the limelight, when we finally give it the nurturing & exploration it deserves, everything else—work, relationships, spirituality—falls beautifully in place. I hope you’ll apply!