Art: Drawn in a Corner
*Special thanks to my partner for collab’ing with me on this mission.
Whenever I’m having sex (either with my partner or with myself), I sometimes find myself going from zero to fully turned on in minutes.
When I’m fully aroused, I’m heavily focused on getting to Destination Orgasm as quickly as possible. I let out short, quick sighs of pleasure. I gobble up air and hold it in my lungs as I sit and feel delicious enjoyment coursing through my body. Minutes later, I’m coming—my chest heaving, my eyes rolling in the back of my head, my sighs long and high.
And just like that, it’s done.
A quick spark, a powerful explosion, and then a harsh return back to waking life.
Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that kind of orgasm; each time I have one, it’s all good and amazing. But I’ve been noticing lately that the effects of my orgasm are often fleeting—short, sweet, and genitally focused.
I’ve heard about full-body orgasms, ones that seem to shake the ground beneath you and fill you with white-hot heat, and I’ve even experienced a few of these cosmic climaxes of my own. But they are often rare and unintentional.
Sometimes I’d get curious about how to cultivate more power and control in my orgasms, and while I’ve not fully studied (or practiced) tantric sex, I’m definitely familiar with using the breath as a vehicle for circulating erotic energy in the body. I just haven’t made space for it in my own sexual practice.
I’ve always brushed those kinds of things off because it seemed that if I were to be mindful of my breath during sex, it would scare away my orgasm—which feeds into a perhaps false notion that my orgasm needs to be carefully focused on and tended to (and sometimes it’s like that).
But because I’m curious by nature, and because I’m always looking to have better sex, the last time me and my man got together I partook in a little experiment.
When I was aroused and ready to go, instead of going about it like I usually do—focusing heavily on climaxing and giving way to irregular and stalled breathing—I tried something different:
I breathed deeply.
Whenever I felt like I was right on the cusp of coming, I took in a deep, mindful breath, and let it out slowly, intentionally. I did this again and again until I had a nice, steady rhythm going. Soon, I felt as though I were in a meditative state, that being conscious of my breath as well as the delicious pleasure being experienced in my body had put me in a trance.
Immediately I noticed that when I became mindful of my breathing, I steered myself gently away from climax but not in such a drastic way where I lost arousal. I could feel the pleasureful energy coursing through my body with every inhale, and with every exhale I spread that energy even more—away from my clit (the prime target) and out toward my fingers, my toes, my heart space, and eyeballs.
It felt a lot like the breathing I do in yoga, and I was building up the intensity of pleasure more and more with every cycle of breath.
And when I finally allowed myself to spill over, after about five minutes of deep, conscious breathing, I came from every cell in my body, from the tips of my feet to the top of my crown chakra. I saw stars. I heard God laughing. I felt deeply connected to my body and the love I have for my lover. My entire body shook with ecstasy.
It was incredibly powerful.
And it lasted for over a minute.
I’m convinced that this is the way orgasm is meant to feel. Not surface-level, quick, genital-oriented explosions, but regenerative flowing waves of full-body pleasure.
And it’s as easy as breathing.