{via}
Kindness is something that comes quite natural to me. I give warmth & friendliness to all that is around me, offering smiles for the weary & a listening ear to those who are feeling overwhelmed. Being loving & giving my whole self to others is part of my disposition. I feel the most joy when I know I am making others happy.
But in my efforts to be a little ray of sunshine to others, I somehow always forget to be kind to my own self, as though the well being of perfect strangers is more important than the inner contentment of myself.
I’ve been especially hard on myself for the last few days. I feel like I am not writing enough, not being productive enough. I reprimand myself for making simple mistakes, like fudging a dinner recipe or saying the wrong thing in a conversation. In these moments, I am terribly unkind to myself, which in turn riles me up, depletes my creativity, & transforms my friendly demeanor into pitiful self loathing.
Last night I found myself feeling particularly overwhelmed with thoughts of disappointment & annoyance with all of things I didn’t do that day. As my mind muddled itself with terrible, incessant thoughts — Shame on you! You are no good! You are a failure! You don’t deserve happiness or relaxation today! — I felt my hand clench into a fist. I decided I had heard enough.
So I took a very deep breath, let it out slowly, & whispered firmly, Stop.
And just like that, the negative thoughts dwindled into nothingness & my mind settled down to a halt.
Sometimes I forget that I don’t have to listen to the hurtful nonsense that goes on inside of my head, & that I can give myself permission to put an end to it. The moment I remind myself of my power is the moment those wretched thoughts become weak & meaningless. It is then that I can let the kindness seep in & penetrate my mind with unadulterated love & friendliness.
That is the way life should be lived: with your head buzzing with kindness for yourself.
Today, I want to remind you to be perpetually kind to yourself. Be loving, be friendly. Devote an entire page in your diary to how wonderful you are; brag on your talents & beauty. Give yourself leeway to make mistakes & do not dwell on them. Remind yourself of your power over your thoughts & take advantage of that. You do not (& should not) have to listen to the endless cycle of insults that goes on inside of your head. Tune them out or simply tell them to shut up. Go on with your day in a blissful state of self-consciousness & self kindness.
Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.
That’s a really great practice. There are times when I completely beat myself up for hours on end and can’t initiate anything to move on. I always try to shake it off and continue with things, but it seems to always linger. Ever since last week when I started meditating every morning and concentrating on my breathing, I notice that I have a lot better control of my anxiety. It definitely helps when you could control your emotions.
Great post. It was great to read this.
I recently picked up a book at my library called “Sacred Pampering Principles” by Debrena Jackson Gandy. She speaks of The self pampering & self love every woman should give to herself & how it changes you & your life. It is said to be “an african-american woman’s guide to self-care and Inner renewal” but I feel that every woman can do & should do these things for herself. It really is time for a self love revolution among women.
Loving the new blog sweets.
This came just at the right time (Thank you). I find myself every night telling myself off just like you said for not have been able to complete certain tasks throught the day.
I am a uni student in my final year so plenty of times I feel so guilty for doing normal things I.e sleeping, hanging out with friends etc because in my mind I MUST always be revising.
Although my actual situation may not compare with others, it has been so difficult for me to cope with feelings or guilt and letting my parents down.
I’m so glad you did this post as from this day I will try my hardest to remind myself that I too do need acts of kindness from myself.
*I recommend everyone to signup for the personal daily letters. It was great waking up to positive thoughts*
Thank you.
Thanks for this! It takes practice and habit to be kind to ourselves. The journaling tip is excellent. I’ll definately give it a try! After all there is so much to brag about:)
I love this! I call it being your own best friend (instead of your own worst enemy). Thanks for an excellent reminder!
This sounds a lot like me – loving on everyone else, but never myself. I pass off silly things as “pampering” myself, like how let myself sleep in or buy myself a latte whenever I want one, but on the inside I’m always beating myself up. Even when someone is going through a similar situation, I can pour out all of my advice to them and not follow an ounce of it myself.
Thank you for this reminder. I’ll be writing a love letter to myself before I go to bed tonight.
Beautiful, perfect timing. Seriously, every time I find myself in that place, of just beating myself up inside, I just think, ‘okay, would I treat a child like this?!’. NO, and I need to treat myself with that same kindness.
Putting a damper on the Evil Auctioneer who tells you that you’re crap is one of the hardest things we can do. It’s also the most worthwhile. Women especially tend to treat others better than we treat ourselves, and we forget that before we can project love and kindness, we have to have some in us to give. The best way I’ve come up with to gently remind myself to be nicer to myself is to ask, “Would you treat your friends like that?”. Works every time.
During the day I manage to avoid horrible thoughts about myself. But every single thing that I’ve put aside in daylight comes powerful at night, when I let my conscience free to talk to me. I have a very rude and unpolite conscience. Sometimes thoughts are so fast and so dark that I have to stop them, I physically take them and throw them out of my mind, with a gesture. It somehow helps. Bad thinking before going to sleep is no at all a good idea.
I already have a diary and I noticed that putting down in words what you most dislike about yourself can be catartic. I wonder why writing what I most love about myself never – never – came to my mind as a way to flatter or simply cuddle my own self. You’re right Ev’Yan, we should remind to be kind to ourself.
(Sorry for my bad English, it’s not my mothertongue!)
I’m reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown so this post is really timely. I just finished a chapter where she talks about how loving ourselves is intimately connected with our ability to love anyone else. It’s so easy to be unkind to ourselves, but we need to remember that we can’t fully give and take care of others until we care for ourselves. Thanks for this reminder:)
We always scold each other for not being kinder to others but it’s important to be kind to the self too..thanks for the reminder :)
This is such an important post. I’ve always been aware of the fact that I put a huge amount of effort into making sure everyone i’m surrounded by is taken care of and that they are as pleased as I could possible make them. Whether its co workers, friends, family or complete strangers! However, when it comes to myself all of this goes out the window. Recently I have gotten sick and I know its because of the lack of attention I’ve been showing myself. From here on out I vow to focus on my health and happiness more than ever before and your post just goes to show how truly important it is. Thank you.
“Treat yourself the way you want to be treated.”
I like that. I wrote on a similar topic last week, but I refer to that internal dialog as “noisy space” in your head. It’s difficult to turn that noise off and I wish I could do it as easily as you seem to do.
I’m working on it though – replacing that “noisy space” with kinder, gentler thoughts about myself. I wish the same for everyone.
[...] yeah, fear and over-analyzing so easily get in the way. I thought this post is such a great reminder to be kind to [...]
I can say proudly I have seriously listened to my lover and stop putting myself down. My self-esteem is like non-existent but for every story I write and my extremely talented writing friends both published and non enjoy it is raises me just a bit. I have also stopped thinking of my hair as weird…it come out of my head that way and I’m going to embrace it. I have also stopped putting myself down over my weight. Rather I tell myself way to go with every pound I lose.
I have far to go but I feel this change in attitude is going to help myself in the long run.
[...] yeah, fear and over-analyzing so easily get in the way. I thought this post is such a great reminder to be kind to [...]
I feel you today. Lately I have been so busy, too busy to stop and enjoy life. Thanks for the reminder to slow down.
[...] Sometimes I forget that I don’t have to listen to the hurtful nonsense that goes on inside of my head, & that I can give myself permission to put an end to it. The moment I remind myself of my power is the moment those wretched thoughts become weak & meaningless. It is then that I can let the kindness seep in & penetrate my mind with unadulterated love & friendliness. http://sexloveliberation.com/be-kind/ [...]