But it hasn’t always been this way.
A few years ago, I used to joke with my girlfriends that I’d much rather have a piece of chocolate cake than have sex with my husband. It gave them quite a laugh, but little did they know how much truth there was to that joke.
I wanted to love sex, but that wasn’t the case for me at the time. Actually, if I was being honest, sex was the bane of my existence, and anytime I could so much as sense that that was the direction the evening was going in, I’d immediately close myself up and fake another headache.
On the surface, it seemed like I was just one of those women who didn’t prefer sex, similar to those who have an aversion to cilantro. But intuitively, I knew it was deeper than that; my avoidance of sex came from more than just disdain.
I was crippled with shame. My erotic desires felt like giant burdens on my shoulders, and my sexual expression was still very much entwined with oppressive beliefs generated from religion and learned self-censoring.
Also, I had no idea what it meant to be a sexual woman. I had a sense of what it looked like—sexuality and sexiness were flaunted before my eyes constantly via the media—but those expressions didn’t fit me.
But mostly, I didn’t feel like a woman, and the rare occasions that I did have sex left me feeling like a fumbling idiot—a shy 15-year-old girl trying to play a confident, sensual woman, and failing miserably at it.
While my husband slept deeply beside me, I would lie awake and wonder:
Why couldn’t I be like everyone else? Why couldn’t I be the wife my husband deserved? What on earth was wrong with me?
I spent much of those years violating my body by having sex when I didn’t want to, just to suffice the guilt—which created even more shame and confusion, and produced some very tearful conversations between me and my husband.
These were some of the darkest times of my life, and my relationship almost ended because of it.
Then, one day. . . I said, “Enough.”
I couldn’t watch my marriage deteriorate because of my “sexual dysfunction” any longer. I was tired of shame keeping me from my desires. I was tired of feeling broken.
I wanted to love my body. I wanted to celebrate my sexuality. I wanted to feel like the succulent woman I knew I was deep down inside.
I hungered for sexual liberation.
And that’s where Sex Love Liberation began for me—from the depths of longing and an intuition that I was meant to be sexually free.
My name is Ev’Yan Whitney, and originally I created Sex Love Liberation so that I could have a place to chronicle my journey into sexual healing and awakening.
Since then, it’s transformed into a safe haven for other women who want to find peace within their sexualities and get their footing as erotic, sensual, self-empowered beings.
As I’ve continued to uncover my most erotically free self, my work has expanded to a deeper purpose:
To work with women intimately to help guide them into their own sexual awakenings and recover the lost connection with their desires.
My mission is to breathe sensual light into you, to make you fully aware of your innate erotic nature, and to whisper to your soul words that’ll arouse the wild woman in you.
This is your sexual liberation journey. Thank you for joining me on mine.
Please make yourself at home
Somehow in the vast internet you’ve found your way to this site, and I am so happy you’re here. Please, make yourself at home.
But especially: Follow your curiosity. You are so welcome in this digital sanctuary.
“i was made from sex.
there is no shame. in such a creation.”