When Self-Love Hurts the Ones You Love

As I continue to grow in my self-love practice, I have grown more accustomed to taking the subtle whispers of my longing heart seriously. I have seen the importance of honoring myself by saying No when that is the answer I wish to give, & I understand how staying in alignment with what I truly want affects my self & everything around me.

I just feel better when I stay unwaveringly true to my self. The cells in my body buzz with Yes. The cycles of my existence are perfectly synced. Life becomes full of openness, flow, & ease rather than a series of against-the-grain instances that scrape my spirit.

And there is another element that arises when I’m locked into being unwaveringly true to my self: The hard truth that I, in a deliberate attempt to live my truth, hurt the ones that I love.

Emancipations, staying home, screening phone calls, telling those how I truly feel, revealing what I truly want, creating boundaries to keep my well being protected. . . all of these things, when done with loving, conscious intention, bring about such a surge of liberation to my being.

They also create tension within my relationships.

Of course I do not intend for it to be this way. I do not wish to inflict harm or turmoil onto the ones I love. And I try to have every decision I make come from love, kindness, & grace, while respecting the delicate avenues that such a decision is built around.

But even with caution, even with keen attention to the hearts of my loved ones, even with a tone of voice that is gentle, assured, & forgiving, I will hurt them, I will disappoint them, I might even offend them.

This is inevitable. And somehow, beyond what I can readily explain. . . this is okay.

The most powerful thing I can do in this world is to be a loving, peaceful, actualized being. And honoring myself is the fastest route to these things—albeit tricky when I carefully consider someone else’s emotions & psyches.

And the truth is, it’s utterly impossible to consider everyone’s feelings as I consider my own at the same time, all the time. And at the end of the day it is not my responsibility to be a constant purveyor of happiness & contentment of those around me.

I cannot give what I do not have, & neither can you.

So when you end a relationship you are not happy in. . .
When you choose to only associate with people who will lift you higher. . .
When you switch to a raw vegan diet. . .
When you heed the urge to stay home. . .
When you decide against the big fat wedding in favor for a small civil ceremony. . .
When you tell a friend that they hurt you & you need space to deal with your emotions. . .
When you take an hour to steal away from your babies to get a pedicure. . .

Anything you do that puts your best interest at the nucleus to retain happiness, fulfillment, safety, arousal, alignment. . .

. . . Prepare yourself for darkness, for those close to you will be puzzled & annoyed. They will see your actions as a direct punishment or insult to them, & it will create in them fear & anger & sadness & discomfort.

They will not always understand your reasonings behind your expression of radical self-love. And I don’t think they’re supposed to.

But proceed with grace & anyway, & with the notion that you are the most important person in your life because you are all you have.

Give yourself the love & care & tenderness you need to continue on in your journey. Do it unapologetically, & feel proud of yourself for simultaneously balancing one of the trickiest feats of being human, that of healthy selfishness.

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