The Sexually Liberated Woman: Ingrid’s Story

For the entire month of August, I’m highlighting and celebrating the Sexually Liberated Woman.

slw-evyanNot the idea of her, not the vague notion of her, but her true-blue sexual empowerment in the flesh, featuring some of the courageous women I’ve had the privilege of working one-on-one with in the last few years.

Because being a sexuality doula—that is, one who helps facilitate, educate, and hold space for women who want to transition out of sexual shame and into their erotic power—is my deepest, truest passion, and through this work of intimate counseling and gentle coaching, I’ve witnessed some pretty gorgeous transformations. 

Last week, we heard from Emily and about her journey into deep body-love after years and years of body-hatred, and how all of that has transformed her sexual relationships.

And the week before, we listened to Kate as she shared her voyage to becoming an intuitive, sex-loving, pleasure-seeking, erotically empowered woman.

This week. . . we hear from Ingrid.

When we first met, I remember Ingrid being this young, beautiful, bright-eyed creative. She was in a long-term relationship with the love of her life and was in school studying one of her passions. Everything on the surface seemed perfect for her.

And yet. . . One of the first things she said to me when we got on the phone for the first time was “I feel broken.”

Sex was an ordeal for Ingrid, one that often left her in tears and her partner confused. She was held back by fear and wasn’t able to really let go and experience vulnerable intimacy.

(And it turns out, there was a very good reason for this, which I’ll get back to later.)

But in spite of her “brokenness,” she longed to blossom. She craved to be a wild, sensual, strong woman in tune with her body and soul. And she wanted to ditch the fear so that she could step fully into her erotic power.

In the 10 months that Ingrid and I worked together, I watched her do all of that. I watched her go from this sexually frigid girl who had a low libido to an erotically empowered woman who eagerly made sex a priority in her life.

“I am just now discovering who I am as a sexually liberated woman.” —Ingrid

To hear more about Ingrid’s story and beautiful transformation, take a listen below.*

*This episode comes with a light trigger warning for rape and trauma.

(Player not showing up? Click here.)

NOTABLE MOMENTS

> The “White Van Story.”

> The hard points—“Having sex felt like a hit-and-miss game.” Plus, body-numbness, heartbreaking conversations, and feeling like there was something wrong.

> The out-there thing she did when she was done with being broken.

> A peek at her healing process.

> How the sex is now (hint: It’s nowhere near the way it used to be).

> Who she is as a sexually liberated woman.

 

Ready to become a Sexually Liberated Woman?

I’m not accepting clients at this time, but put your name on my wait-list and get notified as soon as I open my coaching practice again. I’d love to create some magic with you.






 *I’ll never send you anything other than helpful updates about my coaching practice. Promise.

The Sexually Liberated Woman: A Conversation With Emily

For the entire month of August, I’m highlighting and celebrating the Sexually Liberated Woman.

slw-evyanNot the idea of her, not the vague notion of her, but her true-blue sexual empowerment in the flesh, featuring some of the courageous women I’ve had the privilege of working one-on-one with in the last few years.

Because being a sexuality doula—that is, one who helps facilitate, educate, and hold space for women who want to transition out of sexual shame and into their erotic power—is my deepest, truest passion, and through this work of intimate counseling and gentle coaching, I’ve witnessed some pretty gorgeous transformations. 

Last week we heard from Kate and we listened as she shared her journey to becoming an intuitive, sex-loving, pleasure-seeking, erotically empowered woman.

This week, we hear from Emily.

Last July, I was sent a slightly frantic email asking me for help. Emily initially sought me out with the hopes of healing and understanding her past sexual trauma. But. . . within the first few moments of us talking to each other, I could sense there was something else that was asking for her attention.

One of the first things she revealed to me was her long history of body hatred. Festering was the word she used to describe the feelings of discomfort with her physical form.

But, beneath it all, she had strong desires to be wild, free, sensual, confident. She wanted to be fully in her power and completely at home in her body. And with her mind’s eye, she could see herself as all of those things.

I remember having a hunch then that her path toward sexual liberation was going to look very different from what I was familiar with at the time; one that looked less like my typical “let’s talk about sex!” approach and more in the realm of body positivity and self-trust.

Because, as we soon found out, it was through unlocking body-shame that her erotic empowerment could finally blossom.

emily-slw“I’ve become so much more of who I always knew I was. . . I feel so much more connected to my creativity.”

It’s been just over a year since we began working together, and it’s safe to say that Emily has done a complete 360. Things have radically changed for her in big, big ways, and when we chatted she spoke very honestly about everything that’s brought her to this point.

Take a listen to our conversation below.

(Player not showing up? Click here.)

NOTABLE MOMENTS

> What life was like a year ago—“I was floundering so, so desperately.”

> Why we didn’t spend a lot of time talking about sex—“You can’t access sexual wholeness until you begin to do the healing work of and around your body.” (Tweet it!)

> The one word that really freaked her out.

> Why she used to hate the words “wild woman.”

> She used to have sex without any regard for her body—“Saying no was something I did not do.” Now? She’s on a totally unexpected sexual path.

> The advice she’d give any sexually traumatized or body-hating woman.

> Who she is as a sexually liberated woman.

 

Where to find Emily: Blog // Facebook // Instagram

/ / /

Ready to become a Sexually Liberated Woman?

I’m not accepting clients at this time, but put your name on my wait-list and get notified as soon as I open my coaching practice again. I’d love to create some magic with you.






 *I’ll never send you anything other than helpful updates about my coaching practice. Promise.

The Sexually Liberated Woman: A Conversation With Kate

It’s been two years since I opened my sexual liberation coaching practice, and since then I’ve had the honor of facilitating a diverse group of women into lush erotic and sensual awakenings.

slw-evyanBeing a sexuality doula—that is, one who helps facilitate, educate, and hold space for women who want to transition out of sexual shame and into their erotic power—is my deepest, truest passion, and through this work of intimate counseling and gentle coaching, I’ve witnessed some pretty gorgeous transformations.

I’ve watched timid wallflowers bloom into vibrant, voluptuous exhibitionists. I’ve seen the sexually traumatized heal their wounds with the mindfulness and power of a medicine woman. I’ve been filled with awed as I witnessed the raw vulnerability it takes to stand in the truth of who you are.

With each session I’ve had, with each woman I’ve held space for, I have been changed, challenged, and cracked wide open, and their stories continue to inspire me long after we’ve had our final session.

So for the entire month of August, I’m going to be highlighting and celebrating the Sexually Liberated Woman. Not the idea of her, not the vague notion of her, but her true-blue sexual empowerment in the flesh, featuring some of the courageous women I’ve had the privilege of working one-on-one with in the last few years.

First up. . . Kate.

Kate came to me with a desire to have her erotic life be in full bloom. She wanted to be wildly feminine and was curious about what “the Divine Feminine” meant to her. She wanted to feel a deep connection to the world around her—in both a sensual and an intimate way.

But she felt closed-off, numbed out, censored. She was struggling with feeling at home in her body and didn’t have a clear connection to her intuition. And all of this was completely stifling her innate sexuality.

So, when she found out I was beginning to accept clients for one-on-one work, she followed the impulse of her heart and invited me to facilitate her journey.

Soon after, we got to work.

One thing I loved about working with Kate was the depth of her resilient spirit. Even when things were topsy-turvy, even when she was unsure and right in the middle of intense self-discovery, the core of who she was—her strength, her tenacity, her curiosity—remained sturdy, hopeful, open.

And it wasn’t long before she began to bloom radiantly into her feminine, self-loving, and deeply erotic self.

kate-slw

“I feel like I got my fierceness back. I don’t waver at the core of who I am anymore.”

It’s been almost two and a half years since we worked together; lots of things have changed for Kate. And we recently sat down together to discuss where she’s at in her sexual liberation journey now, while reminiscing along the way.

Take a listen to our candid conversation below.

(Player not showing up? Click here.)

NOTABLE MOMENTS:

> The moment she knew her heart needed some attention.

> The connection between her fear of lack of control and her enjoyment of sex.

> On following her intuition: “I had spent my whole life suppressing it so no one could tell me I was wrong.”

> The hard points: “Pain was more familiar to me than pleasure.” And. . . “I didn’t feel seen as a woman at all.”

> The perspective shift that changed everything.

> “Sex before felt like a performance.” Now? It’s a completely different experience.

> Being sexually liberated isn’t just about the sex, “it’s a liberation of yourself.”


Where to find Kate:
// Blog // Facebook // Instagram

/ / /

Ready to become a Sexually Liberated Woman?

I’m not accepting clients at this time, but put your name on my wait-list and get notified as soon as I open my coaching practice again. I’d love to create some magic with you.






 *I’ll never, ever send you anything other than helpful updates about my coaching practice. Promise.

6 Simple Ways To Be In a Long-Distant Relationship With the Moon

tumblr_nlqxp3HlYX1r9rffqo1_1280

// photo from Tumblr \\

I’m in a long distance relationship with the moon.

I pray to her. I sing to her. I worship her. Depending on what mood she’s in, I sometimes do rituals in homage to her. And many, many times I’ve made love underneath her pregnant milky light, so conscious of her hovering presence over me that the pleasure I felt was magnified and devoured with fervor.

Lately I’ve become so intensely hyperaware of the moon’s existence and influence on me that whenever I’m feeling off or generally unlike myself, I look up to the sky to see what phase she is in. And usually, just knowing that makes everything—my outer world and my inner world—make sense.

I feel her and breathe her, and she opens me and nourishes me. It’s a beautiful relationship.

However, it wasn’t always this way. It took me quite some time before I actually began to pay full attention to her beyond a surface level fascination. Our long-distance relationship was consummated when I began to fully honor and become more aware of my body and its cycles.

For me, I couldn’t begin to establish an intimate relationship with my body without noticing the moon.

The moon has been a longtime symbol for and of womanness. In ancient times, she was seen as a figure of holy wisdom and a metaphor of the feminine. She’s also been tied intimately to female body—many believe that just as the moon governs the sea’s tides, she too rules our innermost tides, particularly our blood.

I’ve been so curious about that part of our relationship—how the moon and I are supposedly intricately connected simply because I have a uterus and other inner anatomy. The idea of this sounded overly romantic to me, right on the cusp of cheesy. But as I continued exploring total body awareness, the moon kept popping up.

I would read articles on stepping more into the feminine or books about honoring your body’s natural cycles, and there she was. When I researched menstrual cups as an alternative to tampons, “moon” was in the title. My friend referred to my belly as my “moon belly” when I was struggling to love its roundedness.

With all this moon talk, naturally I started to become curious. . .

What if my body was intricately connected with the moon?
What if the key to honoring my own cycles resided in her?
How differently would my life be if I fostered a lasting relationship with her?

And so began our courtship.

It was a slow process. I was cautious at first and afraid of being carried away by weird new-age woo-woo-ness. But she was patient and gave me plenty of time to work through my issues.

We’ve been together ever since.

There’s something incredibly powerful about reconnecting with nature as a means of self-discovery. For me, it has always felt like a returning back to my roots, to my ancestral ties of honoring and celebrating and worshiping the earth and the life it provides.

Truly, it just makes sense, and I find so much pleasure in it. And that sense of pleasure and curiosity has found its way into both my work and my coaching practice.

Mostly by accident I’ve facilitated several of my clients on how to begin and nurture a relationship with a moon as a way to find peace with their own natural cycles as women.

I am not a moon expert, just a longtime crazy-in-love admirer who is deeply astounded with nature and the way it influences our earthly bodies.

So, if you’d like to being to honor your body’s natural cycles and get a little more connected to the inherent wisdom of nature, I suggest starting with the moon. Here’s how.

How to be in a long-distance relationship with the moon:

1. Notice her. Simply look up into the sky and lock eyes with her. Notice what phase she is in—is she waxing or waning? See if you can make out her softs lines and scars. Say hello. Say goodnight. Make it a thing.

2. Buy a moon calendar. This’ll enhance the noticing process. This’ll make her presence more concrete in your life. There’s something really special about seeing all the ways she changes form and cycles through light to dark. (Get your moon calendar here.)

*BONUS! Track your menstrual cycle on your moon calendar. Use a red marker to fill in the days when you’re bleeding.

3. Chart your moods to hers. Notice the moon is dark? Check in with your body. How’s it feeling? How’re you feeling? What’s your mood? Be prepared to honor whatever is coming up for you.

*BONUS! Create a moon journal where you can jot down your findings and observations.

4. Bathe in her light. When the moon isn’t dark, sit and let her milky rays shine directly on your bare skin. Drink her in. Try to get as much contact with her as possible.

*BONUS! Find a room or a window in your place that has a straight shot of the moon. Spend some time there. Sleep, journal, meditate, dance.

5. Fill your space (or adorn yourself) with her likeness. Buy a crescent moon necklace. Keep a moonstone on your bedside table. Paint a picture of her likeness. Buy and frame a moon poster and put it in your office or above your bed (I have this one in my studio space).

Do this so that no matter what, you have her near you always.

6. Read up on her astrology. Know the moon’s impending or current phase and see what lessons that phase can teach you. For example, today’s full moon in Capricorn is asking us to restructure, balance, and prioritize.

Read more about today’s full moon here:

> Chani Nicholas
> Virgo Magic
> Mystic Mamma

/ / /

A crazy-beautiful thing begins to happen when you start to attune yourself to the moon:

You become deeply influenced by her.

So, while I’m sure you’re ready to dive right into a courtship with her, use caution. This relationship is a beautiful one, but it can open you up to the raw, watery feelings that come with syncing up to the moon.

Only begin this relationship with the moon if you’re ready to fully honor your natural inner cycles and hers—even the ones that are hard to cuddle up to.

What To Do When You’re Going Through a Dry Spell

truth+73

// photo by Edie Sunday \\

I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch lately.

Life has been really hard ’round these parts. All areas of my world are being tested: my body and immune system, my relationships and friendships, the state of my work life, the entirety of my emotional fortitude. Everything, everything feels like it’s in upheaval.

And it’s been wreaking havoc on my sex life.

And not just my sex life, but my erotic life—the way I feel in my body as a sexual woman, the attention (and intention) I give to my sexual expression, the space I take up in that place and the amount of energy that is available there.

I can always tell when I’m under-fucked because the symptoms of this show up vibrantly in all areas of my life. I live more in my head rather than fully inhabiting my body. I feel creatively dried out. I feel especially disconnected from my partner, as though the cord that keeps our love electrified has been severed.

I become irritable. And painfully cynical. And I feel so ungrounded.

I also have a lot of nocturnal emissions—which, in their own way, give me a sense of release but really just goes to further the sexual tension.

It would seem that the easiest cure to being under-fucked would be to fuck more. And sometimes that fixes things. Sometimes all it takes is me getting bold and wild and jumping my partner’s bones, kind of overriding my emotions and my body’s current state of inaction. Sometimes that works.

But during these particular times, wherein I feel deep uncertainty and generally overwhelmed by how up-in-the-air everything feels, sex is the furthest thing from my mind and from my body.

It’s hard to feel sexy when your entire world at the moment feels so utterly unsexy.

One of my philosophies as a sexuality doula is that, for women, everything is connected. Love-life is connected to home-life is connected to work-life is connected to emotional wellbeing is connected to sex-life. And if just one of those things are out of alignment—say, emotional wellbeing feels funky—everything else (particularly the sex) feels off.

That’s where I am right now: feeling off—as in not turned on. And there’s no way that I can be present for my erotic desires, let alone engage in sex wholeheartedly—whether that is with myself or with my partner—if I don’t feel totally aligned.

So. . . what is there to do? If having sex isn’t the automatic cure here of being under-fucked, what should I do instead?

Because there’s got to be something done about it, right? I’ve got to do something. I’ve got to work to change the situation. I cannot stay here in this place of un-sexuality. It’s so uncomfortable. It’s so unnatural. I cannot stay here. I cannot stay here.

This is what my mind says.

But my body? My body just wants to be.

My body wants to rest and sprawl itself on the cool floor, arms outstretched, heaving audible sighs.

My body wants to be acknowledged for its tiredness, for how hard it’s working, for how much it’s trying.

My body, really, wants to be left alone, to be left untouched only until it cannot stand to be without physical contact any longer.

My body, honestly, wants to surrender to all the madness that’s happening, to not try to fix anything, but to let it all be—including this dry spell.

And it’s hard, because dry spells (and rough patches) often feel like they’ll last forever. And sometimes they do.

But usually, at least in my personal experience, there’s always another side to the inactivity. I know that it’s not totally resistant to the kisses my partner leaves on my shoulders or the glances we exchange while watching television.

Sometimes, it’s best to just wait it out.

Last year in my self-defense class, I learned that waiting is just as active of a choice as fighting is; that waiting it out can be an effective way to get through a situation alive or with at least a little less emotional or physical damage.

My teachers told us that waiting lets us breath and think about what to do next.

And so for this I wait. And breathe. And think about what to do next to get through the situation alive.

Knowing that this too shall pass.

/ / /

Can’t wait it out? You might need a more potent medicine. And I’ve got just the thing.